I was tricked into watching the movie that I had already been dreading. The movie that features the young, super six-packed porn star in a miner's hat.. Om Shanti Om. OK? Agreed, I have never been able to comprehend what the starry-eyed women saw in Mr. Khan. He reminds me of Ben Stiller's hilariously depicted character in Zoolander, especially the one "Look" part. In an eerie similarity to Derek Z, Mr. Khan has only one "Expression", one "Patented Laugh" and one "Patented Arms-Widened-Palms-Upward Pose". Enough said about Mr. Khan. I didn't expect much out of him in the movie anyway and so he is cleared of any guilt in making the movie an unbearable torture.

Welcome Ms. Farah Khan. Oak-aged choreographer who should have stuck to her calling. She has managed to create, with god-knows-how-many crores, the perfect tool to torture our poor souls. The movie definitely has an identity-crisis. I don't think the maker, herself, could decide whether the movie was a spoof or serious or paranormal or plain-old stupid. Most of the movie should have been a five or ten minute sketch. Unfortunately the director decided that a sketch should be over a torturous 3 hours long.

During brief periods of time, the movie moves away from its spoofiness towards overt melodrama. The scenes are so well(over?) dramatised that I was laughing myself off the seat. If these segments were also designed to be spoofs that didn't register in my humour retarded brain.

All in all, this was a movie that left me groaning throughout.. Absurd storyline, pathetic characterizations, muddled sequences, unnecessary songs and a ghost to boot!! A true to the core Bollywood movie. Did I hear it mentioned somewhere this was an "industry" movie?

I could've caught some shut eye if not for the blaring music that seemed to be an integral part of the movie.

Ms. Khan, please don't make another movie!!!

How often have you been asked "How are you?" or one of its two hundred and ninety-five million sibling queries starting from "wassa?" to Joey's "How you doing?" ? It is an accepted form of greeting and almost always follows a hi or a hello. This is especially the case when you are meeting the other after a time longer than, say, 4 hours.

How often have you answered such a question truthfully and honestly? I know it would probably be inappropriate and even irritating if I were to answer someone's "Howdy?" with a detailed summary of my current state of being, yet is it not true that a "How do you do?" is almost never answered in truth. I would venture, bravely enough, to even say that you are expected to answer it untruthfully with that blatantly colourless "Fine" and maybe add a "und Sie?" to generate the same gray-tinged "Fine" that reveals nothing and says everything. Go up to someone looking completely distressed and say a "How do you do?". You will, in all probability, be rewarded with the expected monotony.

What if, for a change, we decide to answer the question face-up. What if the next time you meet someone, at a moment when you are ecstatically stretching out on that fluffy cloud numbered nine, you give the person a run down on the exciting news that you have to share. What if you go on "... remember how I always wanted to sharpen my pencil until it could prick the boss's skin.. Well, guess what1 I did and now I am overjoyed and walking around grinning like a kid that has just cheesed a chocolate cake. So how are *you*?"

Go on. Try it. Helpless looks are guaranteed!!

P.S: I wanted to put up something on this blog. It was beginning to look exactly how my brain cells seem to - blank and deserted. It's that deadly affliction called laziness. If your sensibilities have been disturbed from their silken fine resting place my sincere appologies. :)